Stanley Goes HAM

So I gave my entire Algebra 1 class zeroes today. No one did homework this weekend nor did they study. Naturally I went in on them but in a cool, calm, and collective. This is how it went

Me: Soooo none of you did your homework this weekend.....What is the point of me teaching if you are not going to go home and do your work nor study. What is my job as a teacher

Students: To answer questions, to teach, to give us knowledge (randomly shouted out)

Me: Ok....so what is your job as students?

Students: To take in the knowledge, to study, to do our work

Me: Ok, so I am doing my job, why are you not doing yours?

Students: No response

Me: Oh that was not a rhetorical question, I want an answer

Students: I don't know

Me: Well maybe because you are going to games, throwing parties, hanging out, kicking it, watching games that you are not doing your job. I do all of those things too but I still get my work done. So here is what you are going to do. You have these 6 problems on the board. You will take out your notes and work on these problems alone. Don't ask me any questions because I am not answering them. You didn't do your job, so I am refusing to do mine. When you come back tomorrow, you need to have studied and come prepared with questions for the things you don't understand

I am so straight on feeling like I teach elementary kids. They are going to learn responsibility if it kills them. I also refused to take any late work. I know they hate me lol.

Life Choices

So I finally got inside to figure out part of the problem with one of my students. I was shocked that he felt that he could confide in me to let me in on what has been going on in his life. Unfortunately what he told me left me shocked and defeated. While I won't delve into the specifics, all I truly heard was a possible 8 to 12 years in jail. For the first time, I had no answers or solutions. No way I could help. As unfortunate as the situation could potentially be, we talked about the life lessons behind it. Life isn't as precious until you realize you can't enjoy it freely or until you know it is about to be taken from you. We talked about choices. Parents don't emphasis the effect that choices no matter how big or small have an effect on something. Everything you do have an outcome either favorable or not to your situation. In this case, the decision he made now has the chance to ruin the plans he could have had for his life. Being locked up will do nothing but make him have to work even harder than he has to work now. Let's face it, the realistic chance that he will become something else other than another black man on the street will be inevitable if he goes to jail. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time isn't always by happenstance and sometimes we have to make the decision to protect ourselves first. According to his story, he was not involved so pray that God's will be done and that the outcome is favorable to his success and future.

Learning the Hard Way

So today I was annoyed at how rude and disrespectful my students can be. Their only task during their drama class was to be a good audience to the elementary kids who were going to perform today. They were talking and just acting all out of order. I told them I wouldn't be taking them anywhere with me because they lacked the maturity. I feel like my students are a reflection of my abilities as a teacher, so if I take them somewhere they are NOT about to embarrass me. I have had to lay down the law as of late because these kids are not getting the verbal messages. So I have been preaching to these kids about being on time and being responsible. Well one kid shows up to my class two minutes late...we are outside in TWO portables...how in the world could you be late. ***DOOR LOCKED***. I have talked enough. Practicing what I preach. Two other kids left their stuff in the other room and didn't have it for my class. They were not allowed to go back to get it which means their homework also received late grades. I am not going. Molding children is such a task. SMH

We Love You Stanley

Teaching really has given quite a bit of insight into what it means to be a parent. While it is only a snippet of time, you really get to understand all of the things that a parent really has to do, think, say, etc. Just like parents aren't perfect, teachers are not either. I don't always say the right thing or respond the right way but it is comforting to know that my students still love me. I never imagined high schoolers to be the mushy type but I am often overwhelmed at the amount of hugs and "I love you Stanley"s that I get on the daily basis. Sometimes it is after I have gone off on them for not acting like they should, sometimes after I have been extremely generous with work, but a lot of times it is really random. I am not always proud of their actions but each day I learn something about them that makes me more and more eager to see the adults they will become. Ever since our coming to Jesus meeting, things have not been as difficult but that could also be credited to shorter class periods lol. Now if the real adults could organize and communicate THAT would make things a WHOLE lot better. Watching this school shows me a lot of things I would do differently if I were running my own school. Its all with the details. The big picture is the easy part, it is those small things that you don't make time to think about that end of becoming the things that can tear down the structure of what you thought was something properly designed. So I am making mental notes so that when it is my turn, I can make a few less mistakes than what I have witnessed.

On a side comical note: The kids order snacks from the cafeteria but they can not go into the cafeteria (long stupid story) so I retrieve their orders for them. The high schoolers wear white polos and black pants/ shorts. I am typically in a tie, dress short, slacks, and loafers. To date, I can only think of two days I dressed semi-casual (one day with just a polo and tan slacks; another with jeans, blazer, and a bowtie). So today I go to pick up the order and one of the cafeteria lady stops me and says "Can I ask you a personal question?" Of course, my mind is running all over the pass trying to guess what she is going to ask me. I say "Sure". She says, "How old are you?". Again, I'm throwing her a slick sideeye because I have no idea where this conversation is about to go. So I respond "23". Well as I come to find out, this lady has been assuming that I was a student and that somehow I had special privileges over the other kids lol. I can't seem to shake my boyish good looks but I guess that is nothing to complain about. lol. I need to start wearing a nametag especially when I start taking them on field trips. Folks will just think I'm a teenager who just goes HAM on my friends when they act out. lol

You're not mean, you're just fiesty

Today was a very interesting day. When I got to work today the new schedule was still not announced, books had not been numbered, pretty much everything for the day was not ready. If you know me, you know I do not do well with chaos and confusion. The new teacher started today and she is a lot like myself so I do feel really great about the new team that is being formed. I just hope we can find some stability and consistency. The new textbooks, however, are a pain. You never really think about the quality of a textbook until you become a teacher. There are so many things that can turn me off from a textbook. Size of print, wording, examples, pictures, accompanying materials are all important features that can make a text worth purchasing. We have the misfortune of having the worst Algebra book known to man. The print is small, the book isn't user friendly, nor does it have any pictures. The book merely has a lot of numbers scrunched on a page. There is no way for a student to pick up the text and begin to even attempt to teach themselves. Luckily, I have lots of other materials due to the many teacher friends I know to help me out.

On another note, I didn't realize how tough I can be to deal with as a teacher until I thought back on some of the things my kids hear me say. For example, I am notorious for ignoring complaints or negligence. One of my kids came into class and says "Mr Stanley, I don't have my homework". Now I am pretty understanding but my kids should know better at this point to think I am going to feel sorry for them first. So naturally my response is "So what do you expect me to do about that". He says "You saw me do it yesterday, its just not here". My response "Well that was yesterday, I need it today". SMH. I going to do better one day but they have to learn responsibility so while I may make a few exceptions here and there, generally I just point them to the large display of what excuses are. Its so funny to watch them point each other to the Excuses poster in my room because that is always my first response if not sarcasm or lack of empathy. One of my kids told me today that I wasn't mean, just fiesty lol.

The Comeback

I haven't written awhile because honestly I have been quite depressed with my job. Just when I thought I was making progress it seemed like I was getting no where. Kids were becoming more and more difficult and rebellious. Work wasn't getting done nor was the attitude of care existent. I had to have a coming to Jesus meeting about respect and what I was not going to tolerate anymore. After that conversation, things have made a complete turn around. I am back to my ambitious and respectful yet sarcastic 9th graders that made work worth it. At the parent meeting I learned more of the impact that I have had on these kids. While they may not always show it, they love having me as a teacher and tell their parents about their classroom experiences. It was great talking to each one of my parents and sharing with them the things their kids do well. I know they have heard plenty of negatives but they actually have wonderful kids whom which i have grown to love. I love that already, I am leaving an impressionable stamp that could be the very thing that inspires them to be successful. One of my most difficult students has no interest in school or learning. He has gotten to the 9th grade simply by his charm but can read or do mathematics on a level higher than the 2nd grade. He has hated all of his teachers thus far and I didn't think he cared too much for me either. He is not one to show dislike however I just didn't see myself making a real connection that could spark his interest in learning. I learned tonight that he thinks I am cool and I am the only reason he even remotely enjoys coming to school. Now to inspire him to have life goals and do school work...

What I Can't Stand

Excuse the language that you may read below. This is a very passionate and delicate subject written from the heart

I can't stand ain't shit parents. The ones who have no regard for the life or lives they have brought into this world. It is beyond selfish to make decisions that psychologically damaging to children. Multiple, different father figures, constant moving and relocations, passing children along to homes where they are unwanted, and I could go on and on. It is sad to see some of my kids who should get awards for the acting they do everytime they come to school. Whether it is overcompensating by being overly funny or trying their best to be the best dressed or trying to be the most popular, these kids bare the weight of the dumb mistakes their parents make. Today I almost cried to hear some of the stories of the very kids that I teach. I myself dealt with depression in high school and undergrad but surely not to the extent that some of my kids have it. I have one kid so angry and stressed and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change his current state except try to be that one person who actually gives a fuck about his life and well being. My boss was right when she said that teaching is beyond a career. I not only feel the pressure of teaching these kids the things their former teachers neglected to teach them but also they heavy burden of showing them the light to dark and dreadful tunnel they currently reside. I remember the feeling of hopelessness and anger and despair I felt as a child. I pushed myself so hard in school to be the best at everything so that one day I could free myself from my past. I see that same drive deep inside some of these kids that have those same feelings. The difference is they have yet to be given the equal opportunity for success. When you are reading and doing math at the 2nd grade level, what opportunity do you have at the age of 15, three years shy of being an adult. Today I left work angry, not because I hate my job. I hate everyone who has fucked up my kids lives and have made their struggle that much harder. My stepmom always told me that as a black male I had to work twice as hard to make it but these kids have to work 10 times as hard and why? Everything in their life has set them up for failure. From deadbeat non existent parents to parents who take food away from kids as a punishment to those low life fucktards who have the AUDACITY to take the life of these kids loved ones, these kids are stronger than I could ever be. Yet they are crying out for help. As I learn these kids, I can tell every emotion that is on their face. Tomorrow I have to read a paper that I know is bound to break my heart because one of my kids is writing about his life right now and I know he has a lot of hurt and anger in his heart. Im angry for him. He deserves to be happy just like any other person. If he can only learn to be resilient and determined......

There is always one

I believe that every teacher has that one student they feel they must save. Why you must save that kid, you aren't really sure but there is a strong conviction inside of you to do whatever it takes to make a lasting impression. Naturally, I have found that student. One of my boys is a very bright kid who has had the unfortunate experience of being written off due to the way he handles problems. In the past, he has been known for having a temper, not being compliant, and leaving class without permission. When I first met him, something about his personality drew me to him. I had been told things about him prior to but I was not able to put the two together because of the young man that he presented himself to be. In my class, he works pretty hard (everyone has their moments) and is very respectful. He had some incidences with a few other people in the school and that is how I learned that he had a great deal of respect for me. All the former things about him would flare up on other people but never with me. I think my approach with my kids has a lot to do with how I gain their respect. I'm firm but I am not over the top and I tend to do things consistently. One day, he was caught passing notes and writing in my class during a time where he shouldn't. I took the old school approach and took what he was writing. Later, I read what he had. It was probably one of the most depressing and victimizing things I had ever read. He wrote with so much passion but I wasn't sure if the note was about him, someone he knew, or something he had recently/previously experienced. Instead of chastising him (because there was quite a bit of profanity) I encouraged him to keep writing because of his writing ability and to not censor himself. Afterwards, he began to show me more and more pieces as he creates them. He missed school for an entire week. Rumor had it that he had transferred and I was extremely concerned. Our school climate is set up for student success and avoidance of distractions. His temper and attitude would have him God knows where living or dead. He came back to school today and I couldn't be any happier. He listens to my advice and takes my criticism well. I just hope I can see him off to college and into a life that is not so gloomy and downtrodden.